Let's brainstorm: Is there a lesbian at work who you've never spoken to before? Is there a lesbian who tends a bar you frequent? Is your cool older brother friends with a cool older lesbian? Maybe your plumber is a lesbian (for real, though). So where does one find this coveted mentor? Lesbians are usually nice and friendly to fresh meat and are more than happy to welcome you into the fold (a little too happy sometimes).
My number one tip in meeting like-minded girls is to seek out another lesbian to be your wingwoman. We ARE out there, no matter where you live. Like I said, lesbians are elusive and hard to seek out, especially if you live in a small town. I have pulled all these questions directly from messages that YOU guys have sent me in the past month. So here it is, kids: Zara's official dating tips for the newly out LEZ. We don't need to make it even harder on the young bloods by keeping our world so secretive. I see it like this: It's hard enough to be gay in this cruel, cold, heteronormative world. Some lesbians liked to be tight-lipped (no pun intended) about the gay underworld. Lucky for you, I've made every rookie mistake in the book, and I'm here today to share my wealth of screw-ups.
#Gay dating advice college trial#
Our culture is like a secret designer sample sale advertised only to an exclusive group of people "in the know." (Oh, but once you get inside, you discover it was worth waiting on that pesky long lesbian line).Įverything I learned about girl-on-girl dating was through trial and error. We don't like things that are too easily available, and the dating scene is no different. Unless you want to be thrown into a haphazard mix of other lesbian newbies at a bi-monthly girl party at a massive nightclub, you have to know people to find out where the experienced lesbians gather. (Please, dear god, make me a gay man in my next life). We aren't like gay men who shamelessly advertise incessant fabulous gay parties all over the Internet. We are Mount F*cking Everest.Īlso, lesbian culture, by nature, is extremely elusive. Women aren't a simple stroll in the park women are an uphill climb in dangerous weather conditions. Maybe it was my aloofness that drew in the dudes (straight girls take note), but damn, dudes were easy like ~Sunday morning~.Īll you have to do is bat a lash, act entirely disinterested, cold and bitchy, and boys will fall at your feet.īut girls are an entirely different kind of animal.
I exerted zero effort into attracting boy creatures, but I learned quickly that I didn't really need to. I will never forget how terrified I was when I first realized I wanted to exclusively swim in the girl pond. I had experience with boys, but boys were easy. It can feel wildly intimidating to be a little, vulnerable kitten tossed into a teeming cesspool of seasoned dykes. Unfortunately for us, when we decide we prefer riding the queer train and hop off at station "Girl-On-Girl," there is no tour guide to greet us and lead the way (which is particularly sad, seeing as lesbians make for excellent tour guides). We are taught the rules of the boy-girl dating game at an early age. It wasn't so long ago that I was a wide-eyed young gay hungry for the answers to a slew of my pressing questions about lesbian dating. "How do I date girls?" "Where do I go to meet girls?" "How can I tell if the girl I like is gay too?" Recently, I've been getting a lot of private Facebook messages from baby lesbians who are freshly out of the closet and asking me all kinds of questions: